Then again, the word 'hope' does bring me a long way.
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Since young, i've never really set high hopes for myself because the saying goes, " the higher the hope, the greater the disappointment". I was really contented person, low hopes, low expectations. Just take for example my PSLE grade. Ever since i entered the 'best' class in primary school, things went all down hill. I couldn't perform up to my ability and definitely failed the expectations mum set for me. Being in bottom, the feeling does sucked a lot. I was always in the 50-60 range for math and so much tuition did not help at all. Picked in class by teachers for daydreaming just because i was staring too hard at the screen projector, embarrassed in class because i had my grade announced for being the lowest. I couldn't solve the maths problem sum and every time i get back my maths results, the teacher wants a reflection from me. And the cycle repeats. As far as i remembered, i was never praised in class.
No I'm not going all about complaining about how bad it was. Because i did have good moments in school as well. I've never expected myself to get 260 for results so when i saw i hit the 200 grade, i was over the moon (serious). Thinking back, i thought i was a little too silly. I could have proved myself wrong, but i did not. Then i moved on to the o'lvl. I wasn't exactly happy with my grade, but i thought hey, at least i was a lot more serious and determined, knowing where i want to head.
I grew now, to set reachable hopes for myself and work hard for what i really want in life.
Ambition they say changes as we grow. I was really determined to be a teacher when i grew older and this ambition lasted till i entered secondary school. Like all girls hope for, i wanted to be an air stewardess, a runway model, a fashion designer. well, those of course, aren't practical at all. I guess they would only happen in dreams eh. Now, i want to be a news broadcaster and yes, I'm working my way there.
Change your mind and change it again because nothing is permeant just yet. We make decisions, something way too early we know they are wrong as we grow older. I've graduated from sec school and i'am waiting to begin the poly life. Not looking forward neither am i'm dreading it.
I guess everyone live life with a quote in mind that really means a lot to you and for me, i live by:
No it's never over once you fall. Because it's standing up that is important. We begin again from failures. If it weren't for the mistakes i've made, i wouldn't be who i am now. Of course along the way, the road ahead is never straight. We fall and fall again.
But trust yourself, because it does bring you a long way.....
"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is because they always see the past better than it was and the present worst than it is"
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I don't know if what i written up there does make any sense, but it sure did put me through really hard thinking of how i am now.
