Hang on

I ask myself times and times again if I'm given a second chance, will I do things the same?

I ask myself if I had the ability to turn back time, will I bring myself to this point?

A point I'm so close to losing myself. It's as though I don't know who am I anymore. 

I tell myself day in and out I'm alright. It's nothing much, I'm doing fine. I need no encouragements and definitely can do without words of reassurances. And till now, I don't know the answers to my feelings.  

There's one thing i'm certain of at least. Disappointments. I'm disappointed in myself. 

Why did I allow myself to come to a point of no return. 

Why did I allow myself to immerse in fairytales.

Why did I allow myself become this rude and heartless person.

Why did I allow myself to think so much negativity. 

Just what happened to 'Fall 7 times, stand on 8'. What happened to 'count your blessings not your problems'.

At this point at least. I just want nothing but to sit alone in my room all day, thinking of things I could have handled better. I struggle between decisions. So many, sometimes I feel suffocation. I feel uncomfortable. 

I feel inferior. I feel like an absolute loser. I feel like I'm not worthy of anything. I just feel horrible about myself. 

I curse, I swear, I vent my anger. 

I know I'm wrong. I know I'll do better than that. But did I?

Will I start all over again?

Put down everything that's making myself unhappy. Be the person I am. 

I know I'm braver than this, told I'm stronger than I believe. 

Stop immersing myself in self-pity. That's pathetic.

Get up again. I'll be alright. 

History is just hitting myself again. I'm used to. Right?

Tell myself people come and go. Focus one the ones that stay. Tell myself things aren't as bad as I made them sound. I'm over thinking. I'm exaggerating.

I'll be alright. 

I'll be fine. 

Don't give up, please don't give up just yet.