I'm more than sick and tired of screaming my lungs and throwing my temper like a spoilt child. I die a little every time i hear heartwarming stories of my friends with theirs and the concern they show. Because trust me i didn't have all those. We depend on ourselves so much because other than having each other and our parents there's really no one else. It was never appreciated. And how many more things done none won't change things, won't make me pretend i've never behaved like that.
Deep down i know it's wrong. it's rude then yet again how do you want me to deal with things like that the right way? Walk away and don't give a damn? Lock myself in the room and help no one? Thing's been like that since 10 years ago. I really don't know how long more will it go. Maybe i'm over exaggerating it too much.
I don't get your make no sense temper, i don't get your stubbornness. I don't get why you aren't appreciative of things now. Why are you so different, so hard to deal with? Mom once told me it's ok, i have to learn to let it go. I have to take it in after all i have to be polite. I've tried my best to not rant to my friend because i' quite sure she is also sick of all the stories i also tell her. I want to put it all behind. No kidding, i get all so worked up i shiver right the instance i stop.
Haven't you've been told you shouldn't be doing all these? Then why are yu pretending you don't remember you don't care? I wanna be the best, you'll actually go around the neighbourhood to boast about. But no. None.
It's gonna be the rudest comment but sometimes i really wished you'd get out of my sight. I've thought through so much and i've always wondered to myself. Is blood really thicker than water like they say? Then why is it not the same for us? I get the love and care from someone we completely don't know and yet again they've been the one who were always there since young. I know i can run back crying and the only thing i'll get is a big hug. I remember how i'll cry buckets when i wake up from my nap and don't see her. I remember how i'll buy things i like and give it to them because i know they'll give it back to me. I remember how she'll cook us the yummiest food and want nothing but the best for us.I miss them so much i feel bad sometimes knowing i've neglected them. I love a non-human being so much, nothing else matter more than him. And yes, we confessed to mom " he's way more important, i dont want to see anything happen to him"
How then have things came to this stage?
I don't really know anymore. The problem lies on me thats what i hope is the truth.
